ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
