i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Operation Purity has been aborted
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
