I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
