I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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