i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
