ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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