2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
