I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
