I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
