I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
