doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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