you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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