Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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