last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
