I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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