can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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