Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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