And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
