Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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