If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
