All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I want to fling myself into the sun
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
