1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
