Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
