I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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