not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
