I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
