Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
