I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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