GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
