This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
