This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
