Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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