508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We had to coat check the pizza.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
