The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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