i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
