So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
