How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize