i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
