once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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