He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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