Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
