I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
