Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
