I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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