peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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