Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
