So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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