Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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