dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
