I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
