If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize