put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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