We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize