And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
