Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
