I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize