You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
