I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
