you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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