if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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