Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
