I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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