Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's just like the Real World with babies
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
