Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
