would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
