i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
