my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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