I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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