Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
