Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.

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(251): View more from Alabama

the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge

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(845): View more from New York

my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.

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(707): View more from California

We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.

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(707): View more from California

After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs

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(315): View more from New York

Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort

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